I just spent eight dollars on a pen. It’s a really nice pen, but should I really be spending eight dollars on a writing implement? On the other hand, I do save money by only buying the generic brand of pasta at the supermarket so maybe I deserve to treat myself a bit.
Someone has finally developed an e-reading device I’m actually excited about - the Amazon Kindle
So what’s stopping me from ordering mine right now? The fact that it spent about three years in development and looks like it was never seen by a designer during that time. If this is meant to be a replacement for books, you’ve got to at least make it pretty. Come on now, I know you can do it. Hire the guys that made the iPod or something.
It’s 2:43 in the morning here and once again, I seem to find myself unable to sleep. I blame you for this. And you. And especially you. That’s right, you know who you are. Why won’t you just let me sleep? What did I ever do to you man?
You know what makes me really angry? When the gum you’re chewing loses its flavor after twenty seconds. That vexes me greatly.
You know what else makes me really angry? Global warming.
My fortune according to a fortune cookie I had today:
You can’t have everything… where would you put it all?
Sounds wise at first, but if I had everything, wouldn’t that include the world’s biggest container? That’s where I’d put it.
I’m listening to the radio right now and they keep mentioning that the Great American Smoke Out, a day where smokers give up smoking for a day, is coming up soon. I wish they’d stop; every time they mention it, I want to go to the store and buy a pack of Camel Lights. I quit already people - stop bugging me or I’ll start up again, I swear.
How come whenever people say “needless to say,” the next thing that comes out of their mouths is whatever they just said was needless to say? The following sentence is the only use of that phrase I feel is justified: “Needless to say, I am an idiot.”
Magicians always have hot assistants dancing around in skimpy outfits. If I was ever a magician, my assistants would be a bunch of hideous-looking dudes with no motor skills whatsoever. That would be entertaining as hell. Plus, if I ever messed up the “saw a person in half” trick and accidentally sawed one of them in half for real, it wouldn’t be a huge loss; the world seems to have a never ending supply of us ugly dudes.
Location: The L train from Manhattan to Brooklyn
Some random guy to his friends: “Dude, you ever hear a Chinese guy say ‘I love you’? It sounds like this: ‘Ching chong wang dang dang.’ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Apparently love is a funny thing.
