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After putting some water in a tea pot this morning, I placed it on the stove and turned on the gas. Then I stood there and watched.

And watched.

And you know what? It boiled.

Current score - Me: 1, Pithy Sayings: 0.

What if today is the day I go outside and walk right into the middle of a spontaneous song and dance number? What if I don’t know the words or the steps? That would be totally embarrassing.

I dreamed that my younger brother was playing in a high school baseball game and the umpires kept immediately reversing their calls. For instance, they would call a baserunner out, and as soon as he started walking off the field, they would change their minds and declare him safe. This went on for an entire game.

I hate my dreams.