henrydo.net

I got a haircut today.

After leaving the barber shop, I noticed that random people on the street were smiling at me. I thought it was because I had a badass/sexy haircut, and that people were just awestruck by my incredible handsomeness.

Then I got home, looked in the mirror and realized that the barber had only shaved off one of my sideburns, leaving the other half of my face with its sideburn intact.

I knew something was wrong with my day.

Location: Out on the sidewalk

Guy 1: “It’s tough out there for folks.”

Guy 2: “Fuck them man. I got the fuckin’ problems man.”

“Yeah, it’s rough. Lots of folks with problems out there these days.”

“You know what your problem is? It’s that you’re a selfish, self-centered, mother-fucking fatass piece of shit.”

At this point I should point out that the guy who got called “selfish” and “self-centered” was collecting donations for a homeless shelter.

Whoever said that beggars can’t be choosers obviously never saw someone bum a cigarette, put said cigarette in their mouth, and then realize it was a menthol.